Cute

Great idea for a fun night

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 14:00 - Spain - Salamanca

Today, to my surprise, my girlfriend accepted to try bondage, despite not being particularly turned on by it. I understood why when, after she firmly tied me up to the bed, she ate 80% of the two-person cake we bought for dinner. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 362

High emissions zone

By BodyElectric - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was checking my kitten's neutering stitches when he farted so hard that a stray piece of cat shit shot out and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 158

You deserved it 3 899

Holy eyesight, Batman!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 22:00

Today, I thought a cute guy was checking out my ass, so I cheekily bent over a little to give him an eyeful. He walked over to a shop assistant, pointed at me and left. The assistant then informed me, “Miss, you’ve torn your trousers, your knickers are visible, and, um, apparently you have a skid mark.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 1 257

First amendment issue

By God please make it stop - 03/08/2023 22:00

Today, my four year-old son has reached the phase where yelling random words is funny. I can't go five minutes without hearing, "CHICKEN NUGGET!" or "KALAMAZOO!" or "STINKY SOCKS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 279

But wait, there's more!

By T-Pain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 962

You deserved it 7 271

Bitches, amirite?

By Sergeant Bri - 16/07/2023 09:00 - United States - Norwood

Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 299

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 15/07/2023 22:00 - United States - Nampa

Today, the girl I really thought I had feelings for told me she kissed me on the cheek because I’m a sweet person, but she doesn’t want to be my partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 207

Life imitates Anime

By Anonymous - 13/07/2023 16:00

Today, I have quite a niche career forging swords, knives, and other weapons for museums. Well today my wife wanted to watch the anime Demon Slayer, we got to the scenes with the insane masked swordsmith, and she burst out laughing like, “Oh my god, you’re twins, grumpy twins!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 238

Kids these days

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 380

You deserved it 1 139

TikTok trending

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend insisted on doing some stupid TikTok where we say one thing we’d change about each other. She hates that I don’t always put plates straight in the dishwasher. I hate that she gets her makeup all over the sink without cleaning it. She got mad and threw a book at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 177

Let her have her fun

By WHY GRANDMA - 17/06/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 206

Suffer little humans

By Go away dude - 11/06/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 204

Kids be shopping

By Anonymous - 09/06/2023 15:00

Today, all I heard in B&Q was my daughter laughing hysterically in the next aisle and sure enough, when I ran around, my husband was completely engrossed in some discount item on a shelf, completely ignoring our daughter who had opened a bottle of some sort of oil and painted her whole head in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 171

Every day is Caturday

By I told you - 03/06/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, my parents got a cat tree for my cats. I tried to tell them it was way too small, but they ignored my protests. Lo and behold, it's way too small. My cats have already fallen down trying to get on it at least three times each. even though one of them is abnormally small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 164

Chillin'

By lacy - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Louisville

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 769

You deserved it 10 669

Lost in translation

By ThatLove - 28/05/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend lamented that I do not profess my love for him as often and poetically as he does his for me. I try my best, but he's Italian and I am German, and this is not a level playing field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 169

Bad Brains

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 03:00

Today, I'm apparently on a "thinking ban." My wife and kids have banned me from starting any sentence with, “I think“ because it always leads to some sort of disaster, or accident, or expensive mistake, etc. So I'm no longer allowed to think because me thinking is dangerous for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 867

Unconvincing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I tried to discipline my two year-old son. Whenever I do this, he starts pointing and imitating me, and I can't help but laugh. This explains why he never listens to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 763

You deserved it 38 530

Anything is food if you're brave enough

By sarahfromthesouth - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to see my 3 year-old daughter chewing on a used Band-Aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 160

You deserved it 7 705

Wisdom

By unsuspcted - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son told me to "grow a pair" and ask my girlfriend of a year and a half to marry me. He is 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 205

You deserved it 37 913

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 00:00

Today, I arranged a date with a girl online I really get along with, because frankly we both have a filthy sense of humour and love sexting. At the date, it turns out she’s deaf, which is not a problem, but she brought her sister as an interpreter. Without our usual conversation, it was just painfully awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 147

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 1 575

Everlasting prank

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 06:00

Today, after my wife put hair remover on my chest hair in the shape of a cock and balls I while back, the hair has fully grown back but it’s darker and thicker so you can still see the shape, unless I start keeping it clean shaven all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 266

I now pronounce you…

By Anonymous - 28/04/2023 10:00

Today, while registering to get married, my fiancé and I discovered that we’re already married and have been since our first foreign holiday together, to Vegas, when we got very drunk. Elvis was there. See where I’m going with this? Our parents are furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 1 054

Let him have his fun!

By Anonymous - 28/04/2023 00:00

Today, despite all my hard work persuading my retired husband to take up sensible hobbies, he now cosplays at comic book conventions, collects replica swords from films, goes paintballing once a month with men half his age, and watches two hours of Japanese anime every night before bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 349

Cause for concern

By redneckpunk - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Schaumburg

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 137

You deserved it 2 783

Elaborate prank

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 22:00

Today, my dear wife, an expert seamstress, took apart one shoulder of my favourite vest, looping the whole shirt through itself like a figure of eight, then stitched it back up. It took me over a full minute to realise why I suddenly couldn’t fold it flat, and she recorded me failing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 146

Smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 10:00

Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 185

Memento

By you can't remember? - 24/04/2023 12:00

Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 1 758

Buttmunch

By Anonymous - 24/04/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend came back from basic training, gave me a kiss, turned me around, pulled down my pants to eat my ass, and said, "I missed this." Thanks, I'm glad you missed my asshole over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 517

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 562

You deserved it 25 276

Today, on a camping trip, where it’s raining, I'm suddenly popular. With whom? With slugs! I found one in my shoe, one in my bag, two in my cooking pot and the last one I grabbed – surprise! - on the backside of my coffee mug, which was inside the bag, on the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 110

Today, as I was reviewing my EMS textbook, I decided I would practice taking my own pulse. I started with finding my femoral artery with no success. My mom walked in on me while I had my hand almost up my crotch, muttering to myself, "Why don't I have one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 393

Today, I found out that yesterday's exam, which I left almost blank, had been leaked 3 hours prior. I hadn't been able to see it because my phone was out of juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 912

Today, my best friend and longtime crush actually said the words, “Why can’t I find a girl like you?” I told him, “I'm a girl like me, am I not enough?” He winced, hemmed and hawed at the answer, then quickly changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 224

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 561

You deserved it 23 608