Ironic

Mooch

By Laura - 12/12/2022 12:00

Today, my mom made a comment on how “illegal immigrants” should just come legally and do it the right way, so they “wouldn’t be illegal and mooching off American taxpayers.” This is coming from someone who married someone she didn’t even love, my ex-stepdad for a green card and citizenship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 205

Such a narc

By hatetheroommate - 16/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 798

You deserved it 130 369

Cockwomble strikes again

By haveahappyperiod - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 599

You deserved it 4 819

Another case for Alanis Morrissette

By Tandy - 01/05/2023 01:00 - Japan - Nagano

Today, I was trying to back up my messaging information on an app so if it ever got deleted I wouldn’t lose all my information. It ended up glitching out and erasing all my contacts and messages. Now I can’t even message back the guy I like that I’m not ignoring him. There goes that relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 182

Check your privilege, bucko

By nepotism gets you everything - 07/05/2022 20:00 - Australia - Epping

Today, while struggling to find a job that will accommodate my disabilities, an acquaintance ranted at me about how nobody wants to work hard, and they have to earn what they get. This chucklefuck works for his father, will inherit a multi-million dollar business, and bought his house from his aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 158

Waste of time and money

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 17:34

Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 2 508

Shit list

By L…… - 20/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after getting ghosted by a company for a job I really wanted, I posted on LinkedIn, venting my frustration with companies not having the decency to send rejection letters. My current boss, who didn't know I was job hunting, saw it, and let me know I'm now on the shit list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 1 029

Get a load of this guy?

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 22:00

Today, my father won't let me sleep in the same bed as my fiancée, because, "God dislikes indecent things." I've been with my fiancée for over 5 years. My father came to live with us months ago, because his now ex-wife sacked him for cheating on her and scamming her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 365

Quality family vacation

By Anonymous - 12/08/2025 15:00 - Netherlands - Rotterdam

Today, I’m on holiday with my kids and crazy wife, who often throws a temper tantrum towards us. We have rented an apartment in front of a pool. There's a heat wave but because we are all infected with Impetigo, we can’t use it. On top of that, I’ve developed a sun allergy and eczema, so I’m just inside, with no AC, FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 110

By farf - 20/05/2015 18:47

Today, I received 46 emails from co-workers who were using reply-all to tell everyone else not to use reply-all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 278

You deserved it 2 046

Irony at a base level

By danyelicindereli - 29/05/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 263

You deserved it 48 214

Locked and loaded

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 03:07 - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 202

You deserved it 43 476

I'll be back

By missmolliss - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 774

You deserved it 3 469

Thanks, I guess

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 14:00 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my best friend got married. I had introduced her to her now husband, and ever since she has basically acted like I don't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 92

Keep your eyes peeled

By "ironyyyyyyy" -_- - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marion

Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness about pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 403

You deserved it 6 366

He giveth and he taketh away

By Anonymous - 23/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, someone at work left 10 unopened beers after hours. I’m not much of a drinker, but free is free, so I took them home during my lunch break. After work, I left my new phone on top of my car, forgot about it, drove off, and it smashed in the middle of the road. Looks like I’m drinking those beers tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 556

Looney tunes

By It does grow on trees - 21/12/2024 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I spotted a $20 bill on the ground. As I bent down to pick it up, the wind blew it away. I ended up running after it like a cartoon character, only to watch it get stuck up a tree. I did consider climbing up said tree, but with my luck I would've fallen off and had to pay 100 times more in hospital bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 122

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 20/01/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, it's the day I instantly got a much curvier backside, after doing butt-workouts for a year. Too bad the effect is a) one-sided and b) temporary: Just a giant bruise from falling on my butt on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 137

What were the chances?

By stpry of my life - 27/02/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year-old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 125

You deserved it 7 020

Do as I say, not as I do

By Gracie - 24/05/2019 12:02

Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 314

Health and wellbeing

By fuck - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Somerville

Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 353

You deserved it 6 687

Healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 11:01

Today, I’m massively depressed and I live in a state that will prosecute you for attempted suicide, but will do nothing to help you afford mental health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 144

Domino effect

By anon - 24/01/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I laughed at a coworker for breaking a chair during a meeting. Ten minutes later, I sat in another chair, and it snapped under me. My coworker just whispered, "Karma, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 821

Losing my mind

By Anonymous - 15/02/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I checked my jacket pocket for my smartphone, all while still holding my smartphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 389

Quiet life

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 11:00

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 310

And yet, here you are! Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2024 08:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 611

Angus! Angus!

By lukey101 - 17/05/2023 12:00

Today, the song “Highway to Hell” played on the radio while I was driving on the highway to work, which accurately predicted how the rest of my day would pan out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 141

MANNERS!

By Anonymous - 05/04/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my mother gave me a reprimand for my table manners when I didn't ask for someone to pass the vegetables I could have gotten myself. She then let out a raunchy fart at the table, and had the nerve to yell, "Did you ask to be excused?!" as I vacated the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 100

****** around, found out

By Single4evaaaa - 07/10/2022 13:00

Today, the woman that I left my wife for told me she just wanted me for sex and not a long-term relationship. I pleaded on my knees to my wife to take me back and rekindle our marriage and even suggested counseling. I even brought her roses. She slapped me with the roses and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 10 374

I want a dog

By Haze - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 828

You deserved it 2 326

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Parenting Kids Swimming pool Health Awkward Poopoo peepee Love Miscellaneous Money Scams Medication Family Embarrassing Cars Work Healthy Lifestyle Confused My ex Parents Vacation Sex Anxiety Depression Mental health Clothes Alcohol Ironic Birthday Weddings Transportation

The Top

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 484

You deserved it 5 551

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 262

You deserved it 2 753

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 027

You deserved it 27 464

Today, I had to snatch my son's phone to hang up his “super important work phone call” and force him to pay attention to the nurse trying to hand him his newborn son, while his wife was passed out. He's so career obsessed, I don’t think he noticed his son being born at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 235

Today, my boss said I had to complete "Cyber Security Awareness Training" or face repercussions. For 33 years, I've never needed a computer for my job or needed one to perform my job. In fact, the job forbids having a laptop or phone with you while doing the job. Did I happen to mention that I'm a lifeguard? FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 81

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 153

You deserved it 2 508