Kevin Nealon is a talented actor and stand up comedian, on our TV and cinema screens. He's also a really nice guy. To prove this, he was willing to answer some of FML's dumbest questions. He also helped out by selecting a few of the stories that will be published today. Enjoy!
We love you as Doug Wilson on the show Weeds. Has this popularity helped you to gain easier access to the best restaurants or police stations? KN: I wish. Actually, it only gets me easier access to hemp stores.
You were a longtime member of the animal rights movement. Which animal is the best kisser? KN: Definitely not a cat. Their sandpaper-like tongues will take half of your face off. Not a horse either. That's like getting pounded in the face with a wet log. I'd have to say the best kisser is probably your run of the mill shelter dog. They are very appreciative of your company.
You graduated from St. Joseph High School in 1971. Was there a jazz band playing at the prom? KN: I don't know. I didn't go to my prom. Like always, I had waited to the last minute to ask someone and by then they were all taken (at least that's what they said).
You were part of Saturday Night Live. You have a great experience of comedy, thus of life. What message would you like to send to your children? KN: Eat, TiVo, play.
What would you like to say to your other children? KN: "I'm sorry. It was a one night stand. Your mother never told me about you!"
Your new DVD "Now Hear Me Out" will be released shortly. If we tell you that we love your work, that you're one of the coolest stand-ups in the world, can we have a free DVD for the FML Team? (you don't have to answer the question, it's just plugging your DVD - just send us the DVD anyway) KN: It's in the mail.
You've been a vegetarian for 18 years. Isn't that a bit of a long time? KN: Hopefully, it will be considered a short time in respect to how long I actually live.
You're the son of Kathleen, a homemaker, and Emmett Nealon, an aircraft company executive. Can you still get cheaper plane tickets? KN: I can only get cheaper tickets to see 'Jefferson Starship' in concert.
You've only been married twice. What flaws must a woman have to attract you? KN: She must be legally blind, forgetful and have a poor grasp of the English language.
The stupidest word in Love, is it "thanks", "more-more" or "yes-yes"? KN: None of those. The stupidest word in love is "How much??"
Would you be more ashamed that your best friend saw on your bedside table: a Dan Brown book, or a blow up doll? KN: I would be most embarrassed if my best friend found a blow up doll of Dan Brown.
It is said 'A good name is better than riches'. Then why did your folks call you Kevin? KN: My folks actually call me Rich. I came up with the name Kevin.
Can comedy come from tragedy? Erm, no... forget that question. Have you, like some of your colleagues, thought about stealing standup routine ideas from the fmylife.com stories? KN: I haven't, but that's not a bad idea.
Which sin tempts you the most? KN: Killing you.
What's the last question that no one should ever ask you? KN: "Which sin tempts you the most?"
Kevin Nealon you are my hero.. i can only pray that you actually get to read this. You are seriously one of the funniest dudes alive, and your character on weeds basically makes the show. i was SHOCKED when i logged onto fml like 45 seconds ago and saw that you were moderating, good shit man. Marry me? just kidding..but really offers on the table. holla holla Kevin Fuckin Nealon!
If we could, we’d probably all live on our own. Exotic dancers would do our cleaning and housework; bartenders would serve us glamorous cocktails with mini paper umbrellas in them every hour on the dot. We would…