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The Best of the Worst #8

The month is just starting, or ending according to my bank account. What does that mean? Yep, it's time for a trip down crackpot lane. As you may know by now, every month we try to serve up a selection of the kookiest FMLs we have received over the past. We don't change a single thing, not a spelling mistake, not a comma. This is exactly how they are submitted. Here we go. 

As I said, the people who have written these FMLs actually sent them in exactly as they are presented. I just added some smartarse titles. We come across these when moderating FMLs, and you can too if you take part in the automoderation section of the website/app. If you feel you're up to it, psychologically-speaking of course. Anyway, let's get down to business. 


The theme from M*A*S*H*

Today my toddler commited suicide. He did not know how to write, so the suicide note was just a frowny face that was crying. FML

No one ever cares about GWB

Today, I went cannobalistic and ate my family, friends, and George bush. FML

Oh Icarus...

Today, I realized: When I was a child, I wanted to fly. Then I thought, “hey - if I become a human who can transform into a bird at will, then I’ll be able to fly without sacrificing my ability to communicate!” Later, I decided that maybe it would be easier to just focus on becoming a bird. FML

My point, and I do have one

Today everyone! I’ m so me don’ You were bored; t book-reading, you should have said to BYE to or really what…You appreciate, you have known! FML.

Magic's wand

WHAT THE F?!?!?!?! David Blaine keeps using freaky ass magic on me! FML 

Fraggle Rock

I love complexity I wish I could join them im actually a top fragger in the east coast, but mad people fake because im a jewish muffin. FML

Milking it

Today, I was in a grocery store buying milk but they didnt have any. An overweight ugly chic named Cow and she said that she have some milk in the back. I followed her to the back and she jumped at me and knocked me unconscious. I woke up found myself lying naked next to a Cow with 4 tits.FML

Granny Smith makes an appearance

i pooped real hard i swear i saw a whole apple come out

That song from the '90s

Today I was taking a piss when my detachable penis fell into the toilet and I flushed it. FML

When dogs go bad

Today, I got shot in the back several times by a dog who had some how found a paintball, don’t ask me how. FML

That's it for this month. We'll be back next month, same time, same place, same oddball people. We hope you'll be back because you enjoyed reading these, we certainly enjoyed looking out for them. FYI: these are all compiled from the website started out, so to all of you who've tried sending in weird FMLs to try and get on this page: Don't. Until next time, be excellent to each other and have a glass of water now and then.



Bonus not-really-hidden, track:



I’m a single father with a 16 year old son, lately ive been waking up with a sore anus, at the moment im on the sleeping pills that help me to fall into a deep sleep. One night i decided not to take the sleeping pills and i was distrotly woken up by my son penetratinng anally.


#1475 - About FMyLife - On 10/09/2014 at 6:38am by Alan - 105 comments

Top comments

  • I hate it when my detachable penis falls off and gets flushed.

    #1 - On 10/09/2014 at 11:27am by curlytop101

    See in context

  • So I went through and read them all, before realizing there was an extra on the bottom.
    God dammit, now I wish I never noticed it

    #6 - On 10/09/2014 at 11:31am by Harvzey

    See in context



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