It's been almost 5 years since FML was launched. Yes, 5 years. I'm not going to go into how wonderful it feels to be part of this whole adventure, that would be uncharactaristically upbeat of me. Instead, I'm going to delve into the murky undercurrents of FML. The back waters. The dark side of the moon, or should I say, the backside of FML. The FMLs that we could never ever publish.
A suitable analogy for searching for FMLs to post is this: when I'm cleaning my cat's litter tray with the little spatula, sifting through the gravel to pick out the poo, I feel like the unluckiest gold miner in the world. Looking for decent FMLs is a bit like that. Some shine like gold, some just shine like... well, shit. Here's a few examples of the ones that got away. These are the Best of the Worst. Read on; don't say we didn't warn you.
"Today, the Empire State Building fell on my dick. FML"
"NO one is there in the classroom and I’m Daddy are the don’t so show off their own project management of ill send a message for my I was going TO be afraid that what you have a bed like the number I’m thinking of ill give you a million dollars in the classroom"
"Today, I woke up and saw my husband Watching tv. He said I hate cooking. Then he told me he liked chopping me up like a potatoe. I got scared and ran to my neighbours we got married and had 14 kids then I woke up this morning to find my 14 kids chopping potatoes with my name on it I screamed. FML"
"(Johnny Cash Voice) I see you drivin’ round town with that girl that i love, and i am like FML. I guess that the change inside of my pocket was not enough, and i am like forget you, AND.. FML. Said If i was richa, i would still be witcha. Hm, well ain’t that some sea biscuits. FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Today, I had to change my Facebook status to “Don’t you hate it when your penis falls off due to a rare disease and you have to have surgery to convert your finger into a new one….” I’ve lost three fingers."
"i ate my childs fetus last tuesday .. im no longer a grandmother FML"
"i met this guy who similar to Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine movie version, without any beards on his face. After some sleepovers I realized that he is only after my pockets. FML"
"Today, I Died on the toilet whilst emptying my vowels"
"Today, my best friend stole every single hair pin I have. Tomorrow, i’m entering the World Hairpin Competition in London. FML"
"Today the aliens who had abducted me just let me off their ship after several extensive anal probes. Then I went to the doctors because i was very constipated. the doctor gave me an X-ray that found that equipment was still in my arse. unfortunately during the surgery they cut off my penis. FML"
And that's just 10 of the weirdest submissions out of the millions we've had. If you enjoyed, feel free to let us know in the comments, and we might make a regular thing out of this blog article.
I'll leave you there for now, hope you are all doing OK. Remember to be excellent to each other and to brush your teeth as often as possible.