Tomorrow, your social life is over. Find out why…
Tomorrow, February 28th, is the international Day Without Facebook. This doesn’t mean your phone is going to self-destruct if you open the app, just that every time you are thinking about opening Facebook, you'll stop and ask yourself, “Is it really worth it?” Sure, you’ll try to hang in there, but we all know that after about ten minutes; you won’t be able to resist.
A day without Facebook? What’s next, a day without pizza…or chocolate?
After days of research and debates, I’ve decided to denounce this day because, why do we need a day without anything? Why not just stick to the model of more traditional recognition days? Take International Pizza Day, for example (July 10th FYI). Even if I already eat pizza every day, July 10th is an utter bacchanal of pizza. The same goes for chocolate on October 1st. I’d be eating chocolate all day and be so chill... did you know chocolate is an antidepressant? It’s also an aphrodisiac… Not that I need that sort of thing.
The mystery of the Day Without Facebook, solved.
Thanks to FML, you'll finally understand the point of this day. It’s simple: Facebook is dangerous and we have to limit its damage! Here's the proof:
Husband leaves wife in Facebook status.
A break-up is already super difficult, but ending a marriage via Facebook… that’s on a completely different level. Emma Brady, a 35-year-old Brit, married for six years to Niel Brady, also 35, saw her marriage go up in smoke on the infamous social network. How? Niel simply posted "Niel Brady has put an end to his marriage to Emma Brady" on his wall. The young woman found out about her new relationship status from a friend living in Denmark, who called to see how she was dealing with the breakup. Simple, quick, efficient.
FML from the other woman:
“Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML” (posted by debiebs)
Fired because of Facebook Photos.
An employee at Smoby was let go because he had posted photos online from his vacation in Brazil. The problem though is that he was he was technically on temporary leave because of a “work accident.” Maybe if you fake an injury so you can go on vacation, don’t publicly share the evidence where your boss can find it?
FML from the fired mourner:
“Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML” (posted by JoeyTheJedi)
Burglaries caused by Facebook
Many people (and maybe even you) accept friend requests from strangers on Facebook. This is downright dangerous, as many criminals use Facebook in downright wicked ways. One Australian couple paid the price. Getting ready to leave on vacation, they announced the good news on Facebook with a photo of their plane tickets and a description of their trip. Not one, not two, but three separate burglars knew everything they needed to know to get away with their heists. When the two lovers returned, the house was completely empty. The robbers didn’t even have the courtesy to leave a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom.
FML from bad security:
“Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML” (posted by fukingtigans)
Arrested for a bad joke
In Bangladesh, Muhammad Ruhul Amin Khandaker was thrown in prison after making a joke about wishing the prime minister was dead. Most likely in response to the death of someone else, he wrote, “Why couldn’t it have been Sheikh Hasina (the prime minister)?” Joke or not, what he wrote wasn’t even that bad.
“Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML” (posted by wreckdit)
“It’s too hard, I can’t do it!” Don’t worry, I’m here to help you.
I know, I tell myself the same thing. 24 hours without Facebook sounds impossible. So I’ve gathered a team of experts to find alternative solutions to this trying ordeal. Because I’m nice, I’m going to share some of their advice with you:
Go tag your friends’ walls, literally.
You can get a can of spray paint online for 3 dollars.
Poke your friends the old school way.
Probably one of the most annoying things you could do to a friend. It might make you laugh though.
“Today, my friends made a little game out of my OCD. They like to purposely poke one of my arms so I immediately poke the other one. They think it's hilarious and now do it constantly. FML” (posted by danceinconverse)
Throw a party in your neighbor’s pool.
Do you really need to know what your friends are doing every second of the day? Take a sick day and organize a huge pool party at your neighbor’s house. After all, he’ll be depressed without his newsfeed too.
FML neighborhood mix-up:
“Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML” (posted by RektForLyfe)
Go to New Orleans
There’s a good chance a crazy party will keep your mind off your Facebook fast. Conveniently, tomorrow is also Mardi Gras. Coincidence? I think not. Head to New Orleans for the biggest Mardi Gras celebration in the US.
There, feeling better?
"Thank you, FML!" Oh don’t thank us, that’s what we’re here for! Good luck tomorrow and we’ll be here to respond to your comments.