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The Best of the Worst #31

Here's yet another compilation of weird-ass FMLs that have been sent in. Yes, people really wrote these, probably under the influence.
By Alan / Wednesday 31 May 2017 12:30 /

Hello everyone! I've got this month's Best of the Worst here for you, so you can stop sending me PMs demanding that I get on with it. I'm a busy man (no I'm not, I'm procrastinator). Let's check out this month's selection.   

For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, and believe me, seeing the way people on Facebook react when I post a promo to this article, a lot of people don't get the concept. They think we've gone mad and have started posting insane ramblings! Anyway, we get sent lots of FMLs, we only publish a few due to the fact that many are not very good. Amongst those, we also get sent very weird stories. Or "shite" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this column. Put your sunglasses on.
 

Par 4, dog leg 

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend inserting a spoon in me so he could dig out the golf ball he lost. FML

Alex Jones gatecrashes FML

Today, ILLUMINATI TAKING OVER. DONT. BECOME A PUPPET. DONT LISTEN TO THE LIES. EVERYBODY JUST WALKING AROUND WITH THEIR HEAD IN THE CLOUDS. THEY WONT AWAKE TILL THEIR DEAD IN THE GRAVE

The truth, the hole truth

When I was little,I made a hole in my neighbors’ garden. But yesterday,my neighbor was drunk, and he fell in the hole.To my astonishment,he died in it.

Nope

Today, I saw my boyfriend his name is c'mar.Today I said I love and do know u know what he said back I kinda love u to.i mean what was that was he cheating on me.so at night waited for him to go to sleep I fake sleeped.when he fell asleep I grabed his iPhone from out his pants I read it and nope.

Miss KKK 2017

TODAY, I was sitting behind my mother in the car and when she pulled up her phone I seen it and she was texting a black dude. we are white and that’s not right. FML

Put the crack pipe down

I kno..U must be wandering why JOBLESS HOMELESS BANKRUPT & BROKEN..!! EVEN I AWAIT SUM1 WHO BOTHERS TO KNOW WHY..OR RATHER HOW..?! MABBE LL FEEL LIL BETTER IF V GRAB A CUPPA COFFEE & CHAT..!! MAY V..?! PS : PLEASE DNT LEAVE..STAY HERE..NEED YOU

Smoke signals

Today, I ate Taco Bell. I then proceeded to fart in the middle of a very important job interview. The man interviewing me farted back. FML 

Hahahaha

hey! hahahaha this morning while i was going to school, i walked out a door house of a religious man that works in the church and he was saying to someone “oh move your bady, life’s just three days” hahahaha really i get impressed!! OMG even the religious people become crazy!

Dating pugs has drawbacks

Today, for the second day in a row, my boyfriend has asked me for a free pass to poop on the floor, I think he’s serious and doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon, fml

Do they actually exist?

Today,ok so I know what orgasm is for a guy but is it for a girl?? like what happens when u get it do u like start to do something???


That's it for now. We'll be back next month for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!
 

 

 

Bonus track: This is how we feel after reading the stories we select for this column.

FML? High end? Ha!

Today, While reading other people’s FMLs I realized that I don’t understand half of the high end word used in the English. FML

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