'Instagram Husband' Creates Faux-Fitness Guru Account to Troll His Wellness Blogger Girlfriend And His Posts Are Utter Perfection
Edward Lane, a journalist for Men’s Health magazine, may not have been a stranger to the world of fitness, but he was far and away a stranger to the world of fitness blogging. That was, until he started dating his girlfriend, Amy Hopkinson, better known as @wellness_ed.
Inspired by the ridiculous, nonsensical world of influencers, he was inspired to create his own parody account, @wellness_ted. In an interview with Mashable, he said that he was “impressed by influencers and their followers’ passion for ‘leggings, protein balls and avocados’.” It was as if they were asking to be made fun of.
I guess that’s why he decided to start sharing his own inspiration, which apparently is chicken nuggets, beer, and potatoes. So Lane strapped on a hot pink sports bra, painted on his six pack, broke out the yoga mat, and got to snapping pics.
Now he’s become a certifiable influencer too, with 19k followers on Instagram, where he describes himself as an “unqualified [personal trainer], preaching wellness one self-important #wellfie at a time.”
Here he is with his girlfriend and muse.
WHO WORE IT BETTER? // Best of luck to my ultimate abs-piration @wellness_ed at today's @lululemonuk #sweatlife festival. She may need to work on the shading in of her six-pack, and she definitely envies my leggy blonde pins, but she's gonna knock her #wellnessmindset talk about the park today in front of 300 people (literally ???). You're a fucking legend, gonna be super proud, blah blah blah more lovey bollocks not suitable for public consumption. . And yes, I will be there. And yes I will be wearing my abs. Obvs.
He’s caught on to all the fitness blogging trends, like meal prepping…
PREP MAKES PERFECT // People don't realise the hard work that goes into looking as lean as I do. Achieving 23% body fat and a set of pen-drawn abs requires forward thinking. Which is where meal prep comes in. Here you'll see what that effort can get you - just 14mins at 200c can bake you 5 lunches filled with protein, fishy brain food and enough quick release carbs to fuel your post-work #HIIT session.
PREPARATION IS ?// Sunday shopping done. This week I'm focusing on carbs - the multigrains in my #goldennuggets will improve brain function for morning meetings, bookending my workout with potato smilies ensures my muscles are well stocked with glycogen to fuel performance, while the extra large pizza will cause a nutritionally-induced food coma and help with my overnight recovery. Other extras include ensuring you get sausages in your beans for extra protein and mid-afternoon #maxibon garner a sugar injection that propels you through office energy slumps better than any overpriced coffee. And then nuggets. Because. Nuggets.
Before and after photos…
PROGRESS // On the left - unhealthy. On the right - healthy. At the start of the year I thought the only way to get abs was being restrictive with my diet. Pizza was on the menu - but only in bite size pieces. And, as you can see from the look on my face, I wasn't happy about it! And then all of a sudden I discovered the WHOLE FOODS DIET. Before that I never knew what whole foods really meant - and then I realised it just meant ALL OF IT. And I've not looked back since. For months I'd been enviously scrolling Instagram seeing lean influencers photographing and talking about all the amazing treats they squeeze into their nutrition plans - doughnuts, popcorn, chocolate, peanut butter, chocolate AND peanut butter - while still looking fantastic. Initially I thought they were all a bunch of phoney liars. Taking a picture of doughy goodness before turning to a plate of leaves. But now I know that, contrary to some people's concerns, everything you see on social media is genuine and real *breathes sigh of relief* And it turns out there's some science behind it too. Research conducted by the esteemed Dr Oetker - an expert in the field - found that refusing to slice up your pizza and eating it whole means your body has to work harder to break it down. This slowing of digestion prevents the insulin spikes associated with weight gain and helps you to feel fuller for longer, preventing snacking. Now that's what I call an upper crust health tip! Lunch, anyone?
'GRAM GOLD // This post is everything. Here I get to show you both sides of me with just the smallest repositioning of my leg. On the left, in the classic "unposed" or "reality" set-up, I can show you just what a normal person I am with my flat ass and soft bits. However - On the right, in the "posed" or "Instagram" hip-pop position I've used angles and lighting to look sexy AF. And the best part is I can get away with it without people thinking I'm only about DAT ? LYF because it's off-set by how goddamn inspiring I am being next to it. Win-win. Try this influencer hack and see both your sex appeal and credibility hit ??
And inspirational text posts.
His love for chicken nuggets speaks to all of us.
MORNING MANTRA // Waking up on a Monday with a week of hard work ahead of you, it's good to have a plan. Words to live by. A recipe for success, if you will. I know that when life gets complicated I can boil it down to this simple phrase and keep going when things get tough. How do you find your #mondaymotivation?
By FML standards, I’d say he’s #FitnessGoals.
OM A MISSION // Since joining the upper echelons of Instagram's wellness influencer community I'd been finding it progressively harder to practice what I preach. A full diary of protein launches, avocado brunches, selfies, workout classes, selfies, gym openings, yoga retreats and selfies had a dramatic effect on my anxiety levels. And despite my online persona, I was struggling for headspace. Which is why I've started meditating. It's a brand new trend. Everyone's talking about it. Sure, some nerds will tell you it's been around for 3500 years, but what do they know? Right now it's one of the hottest wellness trends and I really doubt the yogis of ancient India had iPhone apps (duh) so they clearly weren't doing it right, anyway! Since checking in with myself for 5 minutes a day my cortisol levels have plummeted and I'm feeling more zen than ever. My advice? Focus on you. Make time for self-love (Gross. Not like that. Perv) because at the end of the day wellness and the route to happiness is about putting yourself ahead of all others. Worried this will come across as selfish? Put a good filter on your pic and people will call it inspiring ?
DOWNWARD DOGGING // New trend alert! Hotdog Yoga. It's like hot yoga, but the main sweats you'll get are of the meat variety. And, clean eaters, don't worry about these dirty dogs - the metabolism boost you get from a strong flow is more than enough to make this post-class nutrition calorie neutral. Why not try it this weekend? Happy dogging everyone!
#FRIYAYFEELING // Aaaaaand rehydrate. After a tough week of workouts or too many reps of mouse clicking at your desk, I make it beer(s) o'clock. Proven by researchers at Sesh University to improve feelings of relief and "thank fuck that week's over" a post-workout pint is just what the doctor ordered. Whose round is it? ? - @lensaction
DAT ? LYF // I've very excited to announce the upcoming release of my 4-week #bootyplan and #gluteguide. Through a combination of squats and twerking - from here on out known asTHE SQWERKIN' IT METHOD (patent pending) you too can get a butt this good. Tag in the comments the person you think would most love this #strongnotskinny plan just in time for summer! ☀️??
SO MISUNDERSTOOD // Aside from the Gulags and genocide people don't realise that Josef Stalin was one of the pioneers of #wellness. Did you know he actually invented #zoats??? I KNOW, I COULDNT BELIEVE IT EITHER. Anyway, having read his biography before my nightly meditations, I thought it was finally time we lifted the Iron Curtain on Uncle Joe's positive impact on the world.
@wellness_ted is all of us. He knows what’s important in life and is all about being true to yourself.
And boy is he lucky his girlfriend has a good sense of humor.