Drumroll, Please... The 10 Funniest Comments Of The Week Are In!
10. Finally, some insight.
Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML
“I guess that's really how Paper is supposed to beat Rock.” -d3rpb0t
9. Actually the perfect response.
Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML
“How is she going to call the cops when you broke her phone?” -Callyn
8. We can all agree that this was a grade A FML.
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML
“He wasn't loving it.”- Earl_KarmasBitch
7. *round of applause*
Today, while riding to the skate park, I noticed a gorgeous blonde walking towards me. She gave me a smile as I passed so I turned and looked behind me to get a second glance. I rode my BMX straight into a light pole in front of a pub patio full of people. She saw it all. FML
“Oh hey that’s neat- every sentence in this FML is just a different way of saying 'I’m 13.'” -Symphoniaes
6. That was one pleasured pussy.
“I guess your cat misinterpreted the definition of a vibrator being a great toy to entertain your pussy with.” - Glowworm56
5. So subtle, so good.
“Sounds like a red flag.” -PenguinPal3017
4. Alright, Richard Pencil, it's your time to shine...
“When you can’t find Mr. Right, you might settle for Mr. Reich.” - RichardPencil
3. ...And shine...
Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML
“I’ve got to wonder what position she was interviewing for.
What it one of them on the tattoos?” -RichardPencil
2. ...And shine, damn it.
“I hope they weren’t on Spirit Airlines — they’d have been hit up for the $19 Sex Show Fee.” -RichardPencil
1. And coming in at #1 because I mean, read it.
“Apparently she only knows 1 modeling pose and it's called Wrong Hole” -Davros
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
Today, I went to my son's final band performance. I also have a busy toddler, so I ended up watching most of the performance in the hallway on a tv monitor. In the middle of the awards ceremony, my toddler pulled the fire alarm. Everyone had to evacuate the building. FML
“You wouldn't happen to be a momma monkey who was trying to eat, would you? Amazing that you learned to type too.” -ahabsfan
Today, I gave a sexual harassment seminar, explaining how important it is to not do anything that makes co-workers uncomfortable. Someone joked, "Like telling you your fly is open?" I tried to zip up, but it got caught on my underwear. There were 20 minutes left in the program. FML
“Is this the Kmart panties lady again? She needs to get her shit together!” - Zekfen