14 FMLs That Are Like, OK I Guess For National Blasé Day
For those of you who don’t know, or who’ve only ever pretended to know, here is the definition of “blasé”:
blasé (adj): apathetic to pleasure or excitement as a result of excessive indulgence or enjoyment
Here at FML we’ve seen all kinds of submissions, from the weird to the wonderful (but mostly weird), so we’re desensitized to pretty much everything. Often, when you’re that apathetic, you can come off as an antisocial stick in the mud, which is lame, but like, whatever [notice the blasé attitude].
The good news is that on national blasé day, you’re allowed to be blasé about anything you want, and when people point out how self-important or snobbish you might be acting, you can politely inform them that today it’s totally permissible because it’s #BlaséDay.
For the special occasion, we’ve gathered a whole cornucopia of FMLs about people’s blasé attitudes to give you some ideas of what to be blasé about today.
1. Job applicants, what a bore.
2. Bizarre forest insects, not impressed.
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
3. Guys who come quickly, *yawn*.
4. hearing other people have sex, over it.
Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML
5. Nutella, so passé.
6. Vaginas, been there, done that.
7. Death, *shrug*.
8. Marriage, nothing special.
Today, my boyfriend of several years, and father of our one-year-old child, finally proposed. He was making idle conversation from twenty feet away and casually said, "By the way, you wanna get hitched?" This is as romantic as my life will ever get. Yay. FML
9. Whispering the names of bodily fluids in strangers ears, whatevs.
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
10. Fully-developed, adult penises, *scoff*.
Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML
11. Sandwiches, mediocre at best.
12. Your daughter's wedding, tiresome.
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML