Today, I was babysitting for my usual. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML

by Dx / 03/06/2011 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was told that I was an idiot by a little girl because I didn't deliver a pizza to her house fast enough. FML

by deliveryboy / 03/05/2011 at 10:46am / China (Shanghai) / Work

Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML

by sharni88 / 03/04/2011 at 2:13am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

by st00pid / 03/04/2011 at 1:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

by hardlyworking / 03/03/2011 at 7:39pm / United States / Work

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my friend and I taught a very involved healthy nutrition program to underprivileged youths at a local center. We even made them a healthy snack at the end of the program. Within minutes of the program being over, we catch some of our fellow volunteers feeding the kids Oreos. FML

by Pickle / 03/03/2011 at 1:58am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

by Worstjob / 03/02/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, my boss lectured me on the evils of alcohol and how it was 'prohibited' during the 1980s. I said nothing because he hates being corrected. FML

by Squinty6 / 03/02/2011 at 10:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

by Ivan / 03/02/2011 at 5:10am / Work

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

by j / 03/01/2011 at 1:26am / Work

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2011 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Work

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

by Username / 02/28/2011 at 11:26am / Work