Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML

by ImScrewed / 08/02/2011 at 1:47pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

by MikeMorin18 / 07/31/2011 at 8:07pm / United States / Work

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

by Tootie / 07/30/2011 at 2:58am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

by crazygirl12 / 07/29/2011 at 11:18am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML

by jellymoon14 / 07/28/2011 at 6:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

by Rick / 07/28/2011 at 6:51am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML

by Champion the wonder horse / 07/28/2011 at 4:15am / United States / Work

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

by Sarah / 07/23/2011 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I accidentally asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted me to take blood from. He asked for a different nurse. FML

by ohmygosh / 07/21/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

by Bill Harrison / 07/19/2011 at 11:19am / United States / Work

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

by StudMuffinette / 07/18/2011 at 3:40pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

by Auston / 07/17/2011 at 1:16am / United States (South Carolina) / Work

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

by sandwichmaker / 07/16/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Work