Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

by PizzaBoySwag / 06/04/2011 at 5:36am / United States (California) / Work

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

by zain / 06/04/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

by janice / 06/03/2011 at 7:23pm / United States / Work

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

by ryjacs / 06/03/2011 at 4:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

by xmeatballx21 / 06/03/2011 at 5:57am / United States (South Dakota) / Work

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

by whymyliferose / 06/03/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I got fired via text. The last sentence was, "Wish you the best, take care!" FML

by amf / 06/02/2011 at 11:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

by corn / 06/02/2011 at 9:44pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Work

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

by Unemployed / 06/02/2011 at 12:40am / United States / Work

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

by evomadrid24 / 06/01/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML

by quickfingers100 / 06/01/2011 at 12:05pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

by Username / 06/01/2011 at 8:35am / Canada / Work

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

by Me / 05/31/2011 at 2:49am / United States (Arizona) / Work