Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work

Today, I got fired. My coworker decided to imitate my voice, stand outside of my boss's office door, and say insulting things about his daughter. FML

by XxJennJennXxX / 01/20/2012 at 7:13am / United States / Work

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2012 at 2:45pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work

Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

by bad luck? / 01/19/2012 at 12:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

by iliterallypoopedmyself / 01/18/2012 at 8:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I'm supposed to start my new job as a Crime Scene Tech. Instead, I managed to electrocute myself with my hairdryer. I'll now have to attempt to explain to them that I really am qualified to safely operate an electrostatic lifting device, and other expensive equipment. FML

by Lyn / 01/18/2012 at 6:15am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I learned how awful intertrigo smells. I spent a ton of money and years of my life to become a health care provider apparently to treat the yeast infection between an obese woman's fat folds. FML

by Sheliton / 01/17/2012 at 8:39pm / United States / Work

Today, I started my new job as a dishwasher, and was very excited since I've been broke for weeks. A few people dined and dashed, apparently for the first time in the restaurant's history. My boss is superstitious. She fired me. FML

by broke / 01/17/2012 at 11:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

by me_the_maniak / 01/12/2012 at 5:14am / India (Maharashtra) / Work

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

by lions214 / 01/10/2012 at 8:40pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML

by Jim / 01/10/2012 at 8:32pm / Belgium / Work

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

by Needsanewjob / 01/10/2012 at 10:34am / United States (Arizona) / Work