Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

by tmi. / 11/01/2012 at 9:52am / Australia / Work

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

by SoSoRachel / 10/31/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

by kat / 10/31/2012 at 7:30am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

by Medic / 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML

by radioinvader / 10/28/2012 at 8:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

by geena / 10/27/2012 at 2:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 4:13pm / United States / Work

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

by winterbee123 / 10/25/2012 at 4:07am / United States (Oregon) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

by TheHarvardian / 10/25/2012 at 2:59am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I'm walking into the office, the manager says, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML

by emilyparra1 / 10/23/2012 at 3:54am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

by bad samaritan / 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2012 at 6:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

by Lunazel93 / 10/22/2012 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work