Work: Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/12/2015 17:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 006

You deserved it 1 427

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By spiderchick23 - 10/02/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 496

You deserved it 2 848

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 321

You deserved it 4 012

By Anonymous - 04/02/2014 21:42 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 319

You deserved it 4 475

By CA - 08/10/2015 14:46 - Norway

Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 578

You deserved it 1 622

All dressed up

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 23:00

Today, an elderly man came into my place of work wearing a nice suit. I commented, saying said he looked nice and asked what the special occasion was. He was going to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 177

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 303

You deserved it 21 652

By Job Seeking - 22/01/2013 11:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 131

You deserved it 3 004

By tmi. - 01/11/2012 13:52 - Australia

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 055

You deserved it 1 895

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 156

You deserved it 2 589

By Anonymous - 17/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 966

You deserved it 4 042

Next

Top comments

Thebestinclass 16

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:03

Well, did you take him up on the offer OP? Testicles sell for quite a bit on the black market.

BigBoy77 9

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:11

Even old people need a bit of action once in a while, don't be so selfish OP. Where's your Christmas spirit?

Comments

rieebee 23

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:03

Demand payment up front.

pjsr 32

Saturday 26 December 2015 22:07

Insist on both nuts

Thebestinclass 16

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:03

Well, did you take him up on the offer OP? Testicles sell for quite a bit on the black market.

boating_guy 33

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:19

Please advise on pricing. I have some student loans I still need to pay off

hellnosucka 27

Saturday 26 December 2015 11:38

I'll buy.

ColonelCusswords 24

Saturday 26 December 2015 12:42

I'm thinking the product in question might of passed it's "expiration" date

rlak111 19

Saturday 26 December 2015 20:06

Even non black market legal organ donations testicles can go for $35,000

pjsr 32

Saturday 26 December 2015 22:12

That's just an urban legend. Check snopes and other urban legend sites.

ThrottleJockey 35

Sunday 27 December 2015 6:11

Urban legend of not, I'd sell one for half that!

spicyburrito 18

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:07

Should have gotten his digits. He might have been rich

ColonelCusswords 24

Saturday 26 December 2015 12:39

Someone call Kanye, we got a gold digger over here

DjangoFett 9

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:09

damn that's nuts

bwinski 19

Saturday 26 December 2015 9:55

Or lack there of...

BigBoy77 9

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:11

Even old people need a bit of action once in a while, don't be so selfish OP. Where's your Christmas spirit?

nash1991 20

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:11

Well reach around and take his left nut then. He can't even really complain about it

MystoganFT 18

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:12

sounds like a deal to me.

GAeroNKissR 26

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:18

Tell him you're not Joey's tailor (Friends)

LPisLame 16

Sunday 27 December 2015 18:34

Lmao.

LPac5295 27

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:23

Wouldn't that kind of defeat the purpose?

ColonelCusswords 24

Saturday 26 December 2015 12:36

Not for the kinky folks

teyyoshi 19

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:33

his left nut？what's that？

tarlax 11

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:57

His left ********/teste/ball/gonad/bollock/nard/cojone/jingle bell/marble/teabag/plum/love spud/all-seeing-eye/hard boiled egg/goolie/chestnut/bojangle/Olpally/etc.

dabaerju 23

Sunday 27 December 2015 3:07

FML: The place where you not only read how ****** people's lives are, but also provide you with new vocabulary.

ThrottleJockey 35

Sunday 27 December 2015 6:13

And my teachers have the audacity to say that FML doesn't contribute to my educational well-being!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 622

You deserved it 34 712

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 307

You deserved it 3 970

The Top

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 842

You deserved it 70 583

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 158

You deserved it 2 718

Today, my father grilled me a little bit for making a print for a cosplay on my $600 FDM printer. Why? Because he "bought the printer for me to make money and not for cosplay" I’m a professional cosplayer who runs a cosplay prop shop. This was for work purposes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 232

Today, I fought with my sister. We're both adults, but I cussed her out and called her an idiot or something, and a bitch. I’m trying my best to get therapy for this shit. I have found nothing that helps me quit acting this way. I grew up with it in my parents' behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 419

Today, my stepbrother found my diary and read it. He then told my boyfriend how I had a crush on another guy, and no longer liked him, causing my boyfriend to break up with me. That diary was from the third grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 887

You deserved it 3 748

Today, the colleague who I’ve been secretly fucking told me she was pregnant. She’d lied about being on birth control. She’s mad at me because I told her to get rid of it and is giving me the silent treatment. You know who else is gonna be mad? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 4 971