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  • The return of the thumb

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  • Who’s the fairest of them all?

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  • One more and it's business time

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Kjdavis1200's favorite FMLs

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 8 November 2013 23:02 / Canada - Calgary

Today, after hours of organizing and spending around $300 for my three-year-old's birthday party, I realized I forgot to send out the invitations. FML

By NiteShayd - / Saturday 9 November 2013 16:40 / Canada

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

By zoe777 - / Saturday 9 November 2013 02:54 / United States

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

By kel - / Friday 8 November 2013 23:50 / United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

By notgettinsome / Sunday 10 November 2013 06:15 / Australia