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Fmlblahfml's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

By justin - / Friday 13 December 2013 03:08 / United States - Waco

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 10 December 2013 23:38 / Bangladesh

Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years old. FML

By Somerandomguy64 - / Tuesday 10 December 2013 18:04 / United States - Pleasantville

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

By rick / Monday 2 December 2013 21:15 / United States - Roanoke

Today, I have such an irrational fear of the noise my smoke detector makes when it goes off, that dying in my sleep from smoke inhalation or carbon monoxide poisoning sounds absolutely peachy by comparison. FML

By TheLadyOpal - / Friday 13 December 2013 07:55 / United States