About Keysersoze79

Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

Fucked!
Keysersoze79's FML badges
  • Beginner

    You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
  • I moderated this!

    In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
  • Mobility

    You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
  • The Mixer

    You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
  • Checking you out

    You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
  • Keen reader – Level: student ninja

  • Keen reader – Level: master ninja

  • I'm an early bird, but no worm yet

    You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 a.m.
  • Santa Claus

    You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
  • Up and coming moderator

    It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
  • Profile completed

    You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
  • Judgmental

    You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.
  • It's in the can!

    Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
    4%
  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
    2%
  • Happy ending

    Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
    0%
  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
    11%
  • 100 kick-ass comments

    100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
    6%
  • Who’s the fairest of them all?

    This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
    67%
  • Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

    62%
  • 42

    See, son, moderating FMLs is like a marathon.
    10%
  • I’m your new creative director

    You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
    0%
  • Picture this FML

    You left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.
    0%
  • Perfectionnist

    Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
    0%
  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it"vote.
    46%
  • Socialite

    You used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
    0%
  • Tweet, tweet

    You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.
    5%
  • Work is a 4-letter word

    Voting on an FML in the "Work" category on a Monday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. How ironic.
    0%
  • 50 quality comments

    Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
    2%
  • 32_badgename

    32_badgedesc
    0%
  • 33_badgename

    33_badgedesc
    0%
  • I liked to the power of 20

    You've liked 20 FMLs, and your Facebook friends are going to like the FMLs you liked.
    0%
  • The rules are the rules

    Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by Alan, our moderator.
    0%
badgeslisttofind
Keysersoze79's favorite FMLs