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  • 50 favorites

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  • One more and it's business time

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Jessen's favorite FMLs

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

By ugh / Tuesday 3 September 2013 23:53 / United States - Lancaster

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

By hipster glasses / Friday 16 August 2013 11:08 / United States

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 12 September 2013 05:18 / United States

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

By Anonymous / Tuesday 13 August 2013 08:49 / France - Paris

Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

By Anonymous / Monday 1 July 2013 14:39 / United States