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  • Up and coming moderator

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  • 100 kick-ass comments

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  • I agree, my mouse works.

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Deadpoolbatman's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

By how about never? - / Sunday 19 October 2014 11:22 / United States - San Fernando

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 18 October 2014 19:29 / United Kingdom

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

By Anonymous - / Sunday 19 October 2014 04:11 / United States

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

By yee-whore - / Saturday 18 October 2014 18:44 / United States - Waterbury

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

By forgotten - / Sunday 19 October 2014 18:19 / United States - Folsom