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Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

#21173638
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43603) - you deserved it (5670)

On 06/13/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

#21187067
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37092) - you deserved it (7484)

On 06/24/2014 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by massachusettsan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

#21184110
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45658) - you deserved it (3531)

On 06/22/2014 at 11:10am - misc - by paywithpoop - United States

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (745) - you deserved it (3400)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

#21234068
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35082) - you deserved it (9127)

On 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I had to awkwardly grab my pink dildo after my husband's friend asked what it was that my dog was chewing on. FML

Today, my little sister decided to color-in my favorite black-and-white comic book. It was worth over $200. When I told my mother, she said, "Oh that old thing? I thought it was a stupid coloring book you were too stupid to color." FML

#21287570
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39239) - you deserved it (3921)

On 10/29/2014 at 9:09am - kids - by NoColor (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

#21404461
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31636) - you deserved it (2342)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm - misc - by to_complicated_4_u - United States (New York)

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

#21341011
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24958) - you deserved it (4751)

On 01/20/2015 at 3:24pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

#21192717
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22187) - you deserved it (57443)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44041) - you deserved it (4053)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35733) - you deserved it (21612)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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