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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

#16481636
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10314) - you deserved it (55639)

On 06/03/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I got a hand cramp from popping zits on my face. FML

#19268637
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10313) - you deserved it (21654)

On 03/13/2012 at 12:03am - health - by pagvscgrac - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw my crush standing at the bus stop. I did the "I'm talking to someone on the phone thing," trying to be cool. Halfway through the conversation my phone actually rang, I quickly answered but it was my mom on loudspeaker yelling, "Did you bring your tampons?" FML

#8472938
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10310) - you deserved it (36622)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:58am - misc - by Rach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

#16867812
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10308) - you deserved it (25246)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm - kids - by Mommy - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

#5203249
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10306) - you deserved it (42267)

On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

#12878777
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10305) - you deserved it (71940)

On 09/03/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by ohseven6421 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

#7644201
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10302) - you deserved it (31653)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:21pm - love - by Whoops - Sent from mobile version

Today, I bleached my hair. Not only did it fry, it also has a very noticeable green tint and because of the damage, I can't dye it again for a while. Now I keep getting asked "Why so serious?" by my friends. FML

#14600579
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10302) - you deserved it (29414)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Torbay)

Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML

#17026908
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10301) - you deserved it (52003)

On 07/08/2011 at 10:57am - misc - by jen - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

#19482686
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10296) - you deserved it (34150)

On 04/17/2012 at 4:29am - love - by OL2R - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

#5938925
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10295) - you deserved it (33149)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:19am - animals - by munckncruncj15 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

#16950938
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10295) - you deserved it (43224)

On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML



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