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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I decided to brush my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue I went too far which made me throw up. I was 20 min late for my work. Good start. FML

#10962219
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12405) - you deserved it (25819)

On 06/04/2010 at 5:28am - work - by Sergie - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

#16624894
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12405) - you deserved it (54359)

On 06/12/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by El Stupido - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

#12008337
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12396) - you deserved it (69770)

On 07/20/2010 at 7:08pm - work - by jjjjjjmmmmm92 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while trying to explain to my date that a small coffee would be fine, I said "I'm cheap and I'm easy". FML

#14654282
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12396) - you deserved it (31538)

On 01/20/2011 at 8:41pm - intimacy - by Username -

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

#20461976
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12394) - you deserved it (48113)

On 01/16/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

#5313316
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12390) - you deserved it (50834)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by nV1ous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

#8890644
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12389) - you deserved it (21474)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:46am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

#17253046
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12388) - you deserved it (56767)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:12am - health - by Smokey9 - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

#7336635
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12383) - you deserved it (29300)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML

#4737465
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12380) - you deserved it (34477)

On 08/22/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Idiot (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML

#14105864
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12368) - you deserved it (20700)

On 12/06/2010 at 9:38am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

#5180905
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12364) - you deserved it (36146)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:23am - love - by suzanneallen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

#18520794
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12362) - you deserved it (39881)

On 12/15/2011 at 4:52pm - health - by ms piggy - United States



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