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Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML

by Out from Hell / 04/22/2013 at 6:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 3:01am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I decided to dress up sexy for my boyfriend. I put on cute undies and a corset because they made the most of my assets. The first thing my boyfriend said was 'the colours don't match'. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2009 at 8:53am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

by stillshakinggd / 11/28/2012 at 4:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog wouldn't stop pestering me while I was eating some chocolate mousse. I tried to get him to leave me alone for a bit by pretending to throw the mousse far away. The pot stayed in my hand, but I covered the furniture in chocolate mousse. My dog enjoyed cleaning it up. FML

by MonsieurH / 04/03/2014 at 3:44am / France (Bretagne) / Animals

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "What's the first thing you think about when you look at me?". His answer: "Can I finish my steak?" FML

by Undefined / 01/01/2009 at 7:09am / Love

Today, I was pitching at a fastpitch softball game. The other team chanted about the ball being too high and almost hitting the batter in the eye. After throwing the next pitch, the ball was savagely returned by the batter, straight into my eyes. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2012 at 12:00pm / United States / Health

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2012 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I learned that if you don't wrap your hair around a bristled curling iron the correct way, you end up getting it stuck, not to mention frying it. Three inches of my hair is now in the trash. FML

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2015 at 12:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my living room to find my housemate sitting on the couch, bollock naked, trimming his pubes with scissors. He's surprised I have an issue with this. FML

by WellGroomed / 10/22/2015 at 9:19pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on my first date. When we got to the restaurant he started hitting on the waitress. As soon as we sat down he took out his iPod and watched a video, then took out his phone and went on Tinder. Then about a minute before the bill came he dissapeared to the bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

by hollyglambert / 03/27/2016 at 1:21pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.