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Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

by UnderConstruction / 05/04/2012 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he's convinced wearing boxer briefs instead of panties makes me a lesbian. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2016 at 11:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

by Wtfbruhimmovingout / 11/27/2015 at 9:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old guy with a cane got up in my face for "mocking" the way he walked. In retrospect, I guess it is pretty offensive for me to have had knee surgery and still be recovering from it. My apologies. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2016 at 12:06pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health

Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

by yolo is for shitheads / 10/09/2012 at 12:07pm / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

by anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 6:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML

by boyfriendisatoss / 12/26/2009 at 2:22am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200m from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door I peed my pants. FML

by anon9876542 / 08/20/2009 at 7:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

by hellbound / 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

by IHateMyJob / 01/17/2009 at 11:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Work

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

by stillshakinggd / 11/28/2012 at 4:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

by Pfff / 12/11/2008 at 5:40am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

by suzyyy / 02/23/2011 at 4:18am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money