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Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML

#38
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15131) - you deserved it (49291)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - love - by SweeT -

Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML

#15193678
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15128) - you deserved it (26360)

On 03/04/2011 at 2:13am - work - by sharni88 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was pulling a car out of the shop where I work, when I tried to go over a small snow bank to park it. What I didn't realize was the snow had turned into solid ice, and it broke the front bumper cover. It's going to cost $1000 to fix it and I also had to call the owner. FML

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

#19764261
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15118) - you deserved it (9095)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by yeyt209 - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

#798
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15114) - you deserved it (74607)

On 01/07/2009 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by Lou Czar - United States (Oregon)

Today, I broke my arm, and posted a picture of my X-ray on Facebook to show everyone how bad the break is. Nobody even asked me if I was OK. FML

#18724146
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15114) - you deserved it (34750)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:27am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I put on my hazard lights, pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped traffic on a busy road to rescue a black cat that had been hit by a car. With everyone watching, I got a towel and slowly approached the cat. It was a garbage bag. FML

Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML

#4714998
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15112) - you deserved it (43390)

On 08/21/2009 at 6:15pm - kids - by mrteacher (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

#16867532
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15111) - you deserved it (48854)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

#18867304
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15110) - you deserved it (26352)

On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

#19993573
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15099) - you deserved it (39372)

On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML

#15974313
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15095) - you deserved it (36676)

On 04/29/2011 at 2:52am - misc - by Celluloid (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
468 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15093) - you deserved it (38493)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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