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Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make me feel better. FML

#7696686
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17879) - you deserved it (5650)

On 01/30/2010 at 1:50am - intimacy - by virgo - Sent from mobile version

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17874) - you deserved it (65151)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

#79663
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17870) - you deserved it (34346)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by wow (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

#966838
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17863) - you deserved it (86185)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by seussical65 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

#2900113
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17856) - you deserved it (51128)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, driving home, I got bored and started debating how I know this is reality and not just a dream, even though dreams often seem real. The answer came quickly; in my dreams, I work normal hours and have time for things like hanging out with friends, and having a girlfriend. FML

#19499711
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17851) - you deserved it (3633)

On 04/20/2012 at 4:56am - misc - by metalwolf - United States

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

#18859925
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17846) - you deserved it (37256)

On 01/20/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by MyHeadHurts (man) - Ireland

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

#2075
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17844) - you deserved it (9697)

On 01/21/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by stanDman - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said "is your dad home?" I replied "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

#3935367
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17841) - you deserved it (39956)

On 07/21/2009 at 5:54pm - misc - by jtaylor94 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

#2724554
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17837) - you deserved it (48623)

On 06/08/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year olds about having a boyfriend. FML

#12049549
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17837) - you deserved it (27766)

On 07/22/2010 at 7:08pm - love - by jennavankirk - United States

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

#19684579
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17837) - you deserved it (2804)

On 05/26/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by Dom - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML

#285039
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17836) - you deserved it (70101)

On 03/12/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Jaeda (woman) - United States (Washington)



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