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Sunday 30 August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

#21462073
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18389) - you deserved it (2465)

On 08/29/2015 at 10:06am - misc - by Lord Buttfuck IV (man) - France

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

#21460870
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18269) - you deserved it (8115)

On 08/26/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

#21461377
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17954) - you deserved it (1162)

On 08/27/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by PositiveElectron - United States (Virginia)

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

#21460529
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17213) - you deserved it (6065)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

#21460295
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16859) - you deserved it (6599)

On 08/24/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Animeislyfe - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

#21461787
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16569) - you deserved it (3007)

On 08/28/2015 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by still laughing (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

#21462064
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15733) - you deserved it (1136)

On 08/29/2015 at 9:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

#21459919
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15316) - you deserved it (20917)

On 08/24/2015 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

#21462179
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14851) - you deserved it (995)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm - love - by babypenguin00 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

#21461710
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14840) - you deserved it (2623)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

#21462491
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14735) - you deserved it (1500)

On 08/30/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14366) - you deserved it (1131)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

#21462173
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12946) - you deserved it (1194)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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