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Saturday 2 July 2016

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Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

by buggyluv / 06/30/2016 at 11:50am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

by anonymous / 06/28/2016 at 11:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML

by helprelou / 06/29/2016 at 6:12pm / France (Pays de la Loire) / Love

Today, I'm 20 years old and I just did a fucking paper route. For $10. It's probably the most money I'll make all week. FML

by nightwing15 / 06/29/2016 at 2:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2016 at 4:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

by ByeByeBirdie / 06/29/2016 at 6:41pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

by please don't get the succ / 06/29/2016 at 2:21pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 12:23pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey," to which I reply, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stops, turns and with a serious face asks, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was riding the bus to work, I noticed the guy sitting across from me had shorts on. He also had no underwear on and I could fully see his "parts" just hanging there. I decided to switch seats but as I stood up to move, the bus jerked. I fell face forward right into his "parts". FML

by Justme / 06/30/2016 at 2:20pm / United States (Montana) / Transportation

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

by shouldhavestayedinbed / 07/01/2016 at 6:45am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

by anon / 06/30/2016 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm sleeping in a hotel with my grandparents for 2 days. They both talked in their sleep and snored for almost 3 hours straight, so I moved into the bathtub in the tiny bathroom to try to get some sleep. Just as I was falling asleep, the showerhead started to leak. Back to square one. FML

by tenhut / 07/01/2016 at 12:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.