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Sunday 2 August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23592) - you deserved it (2419)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23519) - you deserved it (3313)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

#21449387
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22972) - you deserved it (1947)

On 07/30/2015 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22888) - you deserved it (4450)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

#21448527
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22851) - you deserved it (1995)

On 07/28/2015 at 11:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was detained for trying to "illegally enter" my house, all because my parents forgot to tell me they were being evicted. FML

#21449546
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22789) - you deserved it (1342)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:38pm - misc - by College_Grad (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

#21448834
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22736) - you deserved it (1470)

On 07/28/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by smellslikeahangover - United States (California)

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22597) - you deserved it (7429)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

#21449263
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22292) - you deserved it (1515)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

#21449270
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22086) - you deserved it (6339)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:34pm - intimacy - by RuasaLove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

#21449578
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21972) - you deserved it (1776)

On 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21827) - you deserved it (2538)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21802) - you deserved it (1571)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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