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Friday 1 July 2016

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Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

by cavallo31 / 06/27/2016 at 8:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML

by DesperateMother / 06/28/2016 at 6:12am / France (Alsace) / Kids

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2016 at 8:24am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

by Evjoel / 06/28/2016 at 6:34am / Bermuda (Hamilton) / Kids

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

by Seule / 06/29/2016 at 12:07am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up catching the kitchen on fire. FML

by nickorion12 / 06/28/2016 at 10:21am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, I sent my daughter to her dad's house for the week. She decided to pack my remotes and most of my clothes and shoes, in an effort to make me come get her as soon as I noticed. FML

by Forever_Cursed / 06/28/2016 at 10:02am / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

by insert pussy pun, hurr durr / 06/29/2016 at 1:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

by why me / 06/29/2016 at 12:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

by crybaby / 06/28/2016 at 1:54pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

by Miss_Blaine / 06/29/2016 at 4:05pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my six-year-old daughter organized a treasure hunt… for our cat. She hid the contents of an entire bag of cat food all around the house. FML

by seatle girl / 06/27/2016 at 8:43pm / France (Picardie) / Kids

Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML

by Angsty_Armadillo / 06/28/2016 at 5:36am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.