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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41029) - you deserved it (22517)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." 5ML

#21038006
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40544) - you deserved it (3684)

On 01/24/2014 at 7:36am - love - by MH - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, someone thought it would be funny to steal the precious stuffed bear I've had since childhood and leave a ransom note in its place. FML

#21031005
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40534) - you deserved it (5175)

On 01/17/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

#21030923
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40290) - you deserved it (7726)

On 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm - health - by sausages (man) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

#21038402
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40185) - you deserved it (3194)

On 01/24/2014 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

#21030844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40134) - you deserved it (4946)

On 01/17/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green. FML

#21036650
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40074) - you deserved it (19415)

On 01/22/2014 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

#21030662
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39760) - you deserved it (8319)

On 01/17/2014 at 7:49am - misc - by dylanhollis - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

#21035197
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39556) - you deserved it (3891)

On 01/21/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

#21030290
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39397) - you deserved it (20914)

On 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

#21038584
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39264) - you deserved it (21250)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

#21032010
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39062) - you deserved it (4332)

On 01/18/2014 at 6:09pm - misc - by cjgreer70 - United States (Oregon)



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