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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

#21034070
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45715) - you deserved it (7418)

On 01/20/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

#21027789
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45498) - you deserved it (4247)

On 01/14/2014 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

#21028790
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45482) - you deserved it (5914)

On 01/15/2014 at 2:22pm - misc - by coop42 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45341) - you deserved it (24894)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45197) - you deserved it (4812)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44960) - you deserved it (4911)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

#21038562
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44931) - you deserved it (8777)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm - kids - by limping (man) - Canada

Today, my university professor admitted to sometimes just winging it when she's teaching. "Yeah," she said, "sometimes I just don't get this stuff either." No wonder I'm failing. 5ML

#21038371
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44930) - you deserved it (3751)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:33pm - misc - by Profucktardor (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

#21036142
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44427) - you deserved it (5627)

On 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm - misc - by IMSERIOUS - United States (California)

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

#21031072
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43646) - you deserved it (5999)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm - health - by SqueakingRetard (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

#21030923
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43457) - you deserved it (8168)

On 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm - health - by sausages (man) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

#21038402
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43389) - you deserved it (3478)

On 01/24/2014 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)



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