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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44230) - you deserved it (4833)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

#21038562
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44112) - you deserved it (8641)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm - kids - by limping (man) - Canada

Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

#21038079
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43728) - you deserved it (4881)

On 01/24/2014 at 10:11am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

#21036979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43490) - you deserved it (14958)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:53am - misc - by MarBlu - United States

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

#21027789
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43461) - you deserved it (4131)

On 01/14/2014 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43052) - you deserved it (7081)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

#21028790
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42908) - you deserved it (5662)

On 01/15/2014 at 2:22pm - misc - by coop42 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

#21031072
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42881) - you deserved it (5940)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm - health - by SqueakingRetard (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my university professor admitted to sometimes just winging it when she's teaching. "Yeah," she said, "sometimes I just don't get this stuff either." No wonder I'm failing. 5ML

#21038371
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42709) - you deserved it (3557)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:33pm - misc - by Profucktardor (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

#21030923
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42632) - you deserved it (8071)

On 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm - health - by sausages (man) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

#21036142
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42551) - you deserved it (5429)

On 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm - misc - by IMSERIOUS - United States (California)

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

#21038402
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42538) - you deserved it (3416)

On 01/24/2014 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)



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