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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49220) - you deserved it (10063)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49014) - you deserved it (5295)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49004) - you deserved it (3858)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

#21036248
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48574) - you deserved it (9777)

On 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48234) - you deserved it (5647)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47754) - you deserved it (10639)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

#21028123
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47113) - you deserved it (4575)

On 01/14/2014 at 9:38pm - misc - by Pop - United States (New York)

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47026) - you deserved it (7334)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46992) - you deserved it (5183)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46457) - you deserved it (16813)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

#21029148
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45765) - you deserved it (5238)

On 01/15/2014 at 8:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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