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Sunday 27 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91425) - you deserved it (6632)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#20943386
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67783) - you deserved it (4692)

On 11/03/2013 at 2:21am - love - by StrandedWhale (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65197) - you deserved it (8616)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

#20942318
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59320) - you deserved it (5647)

On 11/02/2013 at 9:21am - intimacy - by justme - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

#20942769
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57864) - you deserved it (6039)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:10pm - kids - by unknown (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57506) - you deserved it (3836)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56000) - you deserved it (9584)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

#20937522
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55925) - you deserved it (4176)

On 10/29/2013 at 12:24am - love - by cmart_9 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

#20942077
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55012) - you deserved it (5486)

On 11/02/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by SantaClaus - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

#20942725
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54518) - you deserved it (7946)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53752) - you deserved it (5369)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

#20939397
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53318) - you deserved it (7731)

On 10/30/2013 at 6:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

#20929016
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53254) - you deserved it (3927)

On 10/21/2013 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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