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Monday 21 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44422) - you deserved it (4984)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44240) - you deserved it (6671)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I tried to tackle my fear of heights by riding a rollercoaster. Once we were near the top, it malfunctioned, causing it to stop, and we all had to get out and climb back down. My girlfriend laughed at me for how scared I was. FML

#20931509
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44116) - you deserved it (4492)

On 10/23/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by monsterdanceman (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

#20932049
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43424) - you deserved it (3245)

On 10/24/2013 at 2:05am - kids - by he's still not convinced (woman) - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

#20933703
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43413) - you deserved it (3396)

On 10/25/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

#20934761
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43239) - you deserved it (4553)

On 10/26/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by CUCKOO (man) - United Kingdom

Today, someone tried to steal my backpack from the hook on the bathroom stall. Good news: they were caught off-guard by how heavy it was and dropped it. Bad news: my foot is now broken from using it to cushion the backpack's fall. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

#20933461
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42674) - you deserved it (6738)

On 10/25/2013 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by NOKHAN (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

#20929522
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42541) - you deserved it (2736)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:40pm - work - by :| - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

#20930096
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42390) - you deserved it (2827)

On 10/22/2013 at 10:24am - kids - by jdawn99 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML

#20928856
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41960) - you deserved it (4267)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

#20928702
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41838) - you deserved it (2899)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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