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Monday 21 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43545) - you deserved it (4600)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, the tickets I bought for my favorite band's concert arrived in the mail. The concert was last night. FML

#20935170
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43421) - you deserved it (3665)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by MsConfusedd (woman) - United States

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43299) - you deserved it (2970)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

#20930986
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43250) - you deserved it (5199)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42807) - you deserved it (2819)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42372) - you deserved it (4744)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42107) - you deserved it (4377)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

#20936067
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42004) - you deserved it (3437)

On 10/27/2013 at 8:41pm - love - by failure (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

#20928623
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41994) - you deserved it (3854)

On 10/21/2013 at 6:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41898) - you deserved it (18508)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

#20933884
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41857) - you deserved it (4608)

On 10/25/2013 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

#20934761
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41854) - you deserved it (4387)

On 10/26/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by CUCKOO (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41579) - you deserved it (6304)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)



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