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Wednesday 4 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

#20875421
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35734) - you deserved it (2428)

On 09/10/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

#20864858
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35515) - you deserved it (5674)

On 09/02/2013 at 5:40pm - work - by laughing-stock - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

#20866346
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35383) - you deserved it (2635)

On 09/03/2013 at 5:43pm - misc - by depressed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

#20867249
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35228) - you deserved it (11139)

On 09/04/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by interphaseprophasemetaphase (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML

#20865605
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34771) - you deserved it (3154)

On 09/03/2013 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

#20869663
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34377) - you deserved it (3163)

On 09/05/2013 at 11:27pm - misc - by Thesuz - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

#20874687
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34013) - you deserved it (18428)

On 09/09/2013 at 5:51pm - work - by anon -

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

#20867690
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30945) - you deserved it (8432)

On 09/04/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by cherbear1000 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was prank called yet again by someone asking for a game that was released over 10 years ago. The store I work at only sells modern titles, and I angrily slammed the phone down. My boss saw and fired me on the spot. FML

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24356) - you deserved it (38456)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

#20876850
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23816) - you deserved it (78829)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)



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