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Wednesday 4 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53788) - you deserved it (6229)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53033) - you deserved it (19232)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML

#20864490
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52524) - you deserved it (5981)

On 09/02/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at Subway, I was about to take a guy's order. He quickly held up a hand and asked for someone else to make his sub, because he doesn't like "ugly people" touching his food. FML

#20871412
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52477) - you deserved it (3508)

On 09/07/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by /(•'_'•)\ (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

#20870447
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51914) - you deserved it (4074)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:42pm - health - by what's a rimjob between friends? (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

#20871260
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51351) - you deserved it (4379)

On 09/07/2013 at 10:17am - misc - by ...thanks (woman) - United States

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51339) - you deserved it (11133)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

#20870154
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50725) - you deserved it (6311)

On 09/06/2013 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by jesus christ, dad (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

#20871127
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50253) - you deserved it (3242)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

#20867417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50238) - you deserved it (2601)

On 09/04/2013 at 11:59am - work - by resurrected - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

#20875663
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49713) - you deserved it (3229)

On 09/10/2013 at 11:52am - money - by zcollins - United States (California)

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49691) - you deserved it (3180)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)



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