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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38766) - you deserved it (3203)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My bestfriend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

#20864835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38724) - you deserved it (3216)

On 09/02/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

#20857695
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38441) - you deserved it (3132)

On 08/28/2013 at 9:25am - misc - by AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse -

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

#20858957
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38205) - you deserved it (3257)

On 08/29/2013 at 6:44am - love - by sorejecteditmakesmewannacry (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38065) - you deserved it (4233)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

#20855520
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38036) - you deserved it (3148)

On 08/26/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was grounded by my dad for "popping pills like a gangbanger". I take prescription ADHD medicine and a multi-vitamin. FML

#20863675
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37719) - you deserved it (2700)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:15pm - love - by zephyrgk - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37639) - you deserved it (2376)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

#20865600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37558) - you deserved it (10208)

On 09/03/2013 at 1:03am - work - by CodyS - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

#20863339
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37459) - you deserved it (2931)

On 09/01/2013 at 4:04pm - misc - by no no no no no no no no no no no fuck no (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

#20857413
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36963) - you deserved it (3271)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:48am - misc - by Grandmas lost it - United States (New York)

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

#20858870
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36756) - you deserved it (4054)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:39am - misc - by oD_Ronan (man) - United States (Washington)



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