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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

#20864858
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30674) - you deserved it (4807)

On 09/02/2013 at 5:40pm - work - by laughing-stock - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

#20863679
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29521) - you deserved it (8032)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm - work - by OnCompanyTimeToo (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my mom mentioned how she loves certain actor's "British" accent. I couldn't help but mention that there's no such thing, and that there are lots of different accents in Britain. She got pissed and lectured me for "lying" to her and trying to make her feel stupid. FML

#20863518
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29246) - you deserved it (17566)

On 09/01/2013 at 6:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

#20857966
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28898) - you deserved it (49669)

On 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out that Cheetos are flammable, as is my hair. FML

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

#20867690
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26593) - you deserved it (7088)

On 09/04/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by cherbear1000 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

#20859438
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25311) - you deserved it (38347)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:16pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22059) - you deserved it (35154)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21352) - you deserved it (82737)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21292) - you deserved it (62775)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20783) - you deserved it (30145) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17111) - you deserved it (123329)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

#20859944
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16711) - you deserved it (34708)

On 08/30/2013 at 2:28am - work - by goodbyepromotion (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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