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Wednesday 28 August 2013

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Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

by depressed / 09/03/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

by CodyS / 09/03/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

by Grandmas lost it / 08/28/2013 at 12:48am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

by anditburnsburnsburns / 08/27/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

by JustAnotherFML23 / 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

by luvmypony / 08/26/2013 at 1:51am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

by swana99 / 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 1:06am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my new internship at a vet clinic. By the end of the day I had: been peed on, scratched, forced to stuff a dead dog into a plastic bag, thrown up and almost passed out. I need to rethink my future career. FML

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2013 at 3:21am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Geek

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

by Pontiacman92 / 08/29/2013 at 3:07am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

by laughing-stock / 09/02/2013 at 5:40pm / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Work

Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML

by Dreamcatcher1229 / 09/04/2013 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.