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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#20862659
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41757) - you deserved it (5144)

On 09/01/2013 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41655) - you deserved it (4911)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

#20863852
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41534) - you deserved it (14477)

On 09/01/2013 at 11:18pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

#20860109
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40990) - you deserved it (14484)

On 08/30/2013 at 8:33am - misc - by charlieg9 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40896) - you deserved it (6701)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

#20855620
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40722) - you deserved it (4592)

On 08/26/2013 at 8:22pm - work - by gunnerdog (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML

#20863945
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40533) - you deserved it (6142)

On 09/02/2013 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40506) - you deserved it (2528)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

#20867437
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40370) - you deserved it (3148)

On 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by lostinspace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

#20860751
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40364) - you deserved it (6481)

On 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm - misc - by no life to fuck :/ (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

#20864106
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40244) - you deserved it (8001)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:47am - health - by Jasmine_smilee - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

#20859797
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40114) - you deserved it (2709)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:11am - work - by Parental Support - United States (Maryland)



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