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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

#20862202
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41885) - you deserved it (3689)

On 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm - kids - by embarrassedmom - United States

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#20862659
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41814) - you deserved it (5150)

On 09/01/2013 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41700) - you deserved it (4914)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

#20867699
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41699) - you deserved it (4632)

On 09/04/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

#20860109
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41033) - you deserved it (14499)

On 08/30/2013 at 8:33am - misc - by charlieg9 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40960) - you deserved it (6706)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

#20855620
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40773) - you deserved it (4593)

On 08/26/2013 at 8:22pm - work - by gunnerdog (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML

#20863945
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40578) - you deserved it (6146)

On 09/02/2013 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40567) - you deserved it (2531)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

#20867437
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40399) - you deserved it (3150)

On 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by lostinspace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

#20864106
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40292) - you deserved it (8009)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:47am - health - by Jasmine_smilee - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

#20859797
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40157) - you deserved it (2712)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:11am - work - by Parental Support - United States (Maryland)



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