Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45478) - you deserved it (5735)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45448) - you deserved it (2952)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

#20864719
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45380) - you deserved it (19295)

On 09/02/2013 at 3:22pm - animals - by aherdofpigs - United States

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

#20857349
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45275) - you deserved it (3326)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:06am - work - by DefinitelyNotDogshit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

#20862628
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45021) - you deserved it (3156)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:40am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

#20863540
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44924) - you deserved it (3240)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:06pm - misc - by WaltTheFuckDad (man) - United States (California)

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

#20861177
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44578) - you deserved it (2614)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:44am - work - by smashyonewfloors - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

#20854811
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44393) - you deserved it (3672)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:38am - misc - by 4_and_20_blackbits (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

#20859193
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44336) - you deserved it (3402)

On 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by grossedout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend got offered a job at Abercrombie. The first thing he asked was "they only hire hot people, right?!" Now he won't stop telling me how lucky I am to be with such a hot guy. FML

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

#20855061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44029) - you deserved it (5816)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43872) - you deserved it (4982)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: