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Wednesday 21 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

#20844855
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42685) - you deserved it (8346)

On 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm - work - by insensitive prick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

#20844207
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42261) - you deserved it (2625)

On 08/19/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by Ben - United States (Kentucky)

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

#20845971
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42220) - you deserved it (2922)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

#20850650
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42060) - you deserved it (11733)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:12am - misc - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I have to get an ultrasound at the hospital. In order to get a clear picture, I need to have a full bladder. I've been waiting my turn for 2 hours now, desperately needing to pee. There are still multiple patients ahead of me. FML

#20851161
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41852) - you deserved it (2724)

On 08/23/2013 at 5:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41767) - you deserved it (4921)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

#20854112
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41597) - you deserved it (4580)

On 08/25/2013 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

#20848594
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41342) - you deserved it (5312)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:00pm - misc - by theuglyone - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

#20850372
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41325) - you deserved it (4231)

On 08/23/2013 at 2:23am - misc - by NotInterested (woman) - United States

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

#20852599
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41304) - you deserved it (4264)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm - kids - by thanks mom ¬_¬ (man) - United States (California)

Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

#20849795
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41034) - you deserved it (3229)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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