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Wednesday 21 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46006) - you deserved it (3237)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

#20855277
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45933) - you deserved it (3731)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by ocdistheworst (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out someone has a crush on me. Normally I'd be fine with this, if it weren't for that fact that this guy informed me that he has collected pictures of me since the third grade. I'm turning 23 in two weeks. FML

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45778) - you deserved it (14804)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

#20849387
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45680) - you deserved it (3019)

On 08/22/2013 at 1:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Cavite)

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

#20855061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45577) - you deserved it (5999)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I have to get an ultrasound at the hospital. In order to get a clear picture, I need to have a full bladder. I've been waiting my turn for 2 hours now, desperately needing to pee. There are still multiple patients ahead of me. FML

#20851161
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45132) - you deserved it (2977)

On 08/23/2013 at 5:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

#20846099
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45046) - you deserved it (2622)

On 08/20/2013 at 8:54am - animals - by TheRoad42 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

#20845941
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44703) - you deserved it (4272)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

#20844855
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44553) - you deserved it (8620)

On 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm - work - by insensitive prick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44517) - you deserved it (5226)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML

#20851738
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44514) - you deserved it (2922)

On 08/24/2013 at 1:21am - misc - by Holding - United States (Virginia)



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