Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Tuesday 9 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44330) - you deserved it (4222)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

#20776976
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44132) - you deserved it (3932)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43850) - you deserved it (4913)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43743) - you deserved it (13510)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43535) - you deserved it (4574)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43381) - you deserved it (5478)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

#20782183
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43338) - you deserved it (2495)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:51pm - misc - by nice one - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

#20772988
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43283) - you deserved it (5135)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by tonedef (man) - United States

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42959) - you deserved it (5774)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42951) - you deserved it (6465)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

#20783934
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42700) - you deserved it (4488)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:41am - misc - by sammy77sam (man) - Saint Kitts and Nevis (Saint George Basseterre)

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

#20784658
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42640) - you deserved it (3704)

On 07/15/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by lame-o-prof (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's, cornered me in the kitchen and called the cops. My crime? Robbery, of my own house. FML

#20786208
64 comments


FML's blog

  • Essa's illustrated FML
  • Yesterday was labor day in the US. FML is international, and and specifically US-centric, but we still sat around doing nothing because we'll take any excuse to do anything. We'll endorse any national…

Friday 1 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: