Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Thursday 4 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

#20772363
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46684) - you deserved it (5202)

On 07/09/2013 at 1:11pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

#20762850
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46668) - you deserved it (4408)

On 07/04/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by brokeandhungry - United States

Today, I got to explain to my co-worker again why I can't move my "vacation" so she can take hers when she wants. Apparently, in her mind, her seniority at the company trumps my due date. FML

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

#20766880
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46418) - you deserved it (4988)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by StockedWithJuice (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

#20763905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46301) - you deserved it (4023)

On 07/04/2013 at 6:30pm - health - by Your ass... Grab it... (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45776) - you deserved it (4368)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

#20770351
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45716) - you deserved it (3631)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:48am - health - by insurance lies - United States

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

#20761277
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45580) - you deserved it (4940)

On 07/03/2013 at 5:09am - work - by melons (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45238) - you deserved it (21588)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45206) - you deserved it (6357)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

#20768067
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45201) - you deserved it (4057)

On 07/07/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by yum - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

#20774578
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45155) - you deserved it (9186)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by mylifesucks - United States (Georgia)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: