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Thursday 4 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49052) - you deserved it (9503)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49030) - you deserved it (9623)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

#20770379
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48896) - you deserved it (3407)

On 07/08/2013 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

#20772363
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48779) - you deserved it (5409)

On 07/09/2013 at 1:11pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

#20774578
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48466) - you deserved it (9843)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by mylifesucks - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

#20776146
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48397) - you deserved it (12474)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48220) - you deserved it (6701)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

#20766880
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47960) - you deserved it (5148)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by StockedWithJuice (man) - United States (Texas)

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

#20761229
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47832) - you deserved it (4008)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:11am - kids - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up at my cousin's house after staying the night. I went into the bathroom like I usually do and shut the door. Apparently the door lock on this bathroom doesn't function properly. I discovered this when my 4-year-old cousin walked in on me putting a tampon in. FML

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

#20770351
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47738) - you deserved it (3791)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:48am - health - by insurance lies - United States

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

#20765605
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47719) - you deserved it (3358)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:37pm - misc - by buttuglyforeveralone :( (woman) - United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML



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