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Thursday 4 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

#20757332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54159) - you deserved it (3474)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

#20774208
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54132) - you deserved it (7922)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54100) - you deserved it (5148)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

#20761131
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54074) - you deserved it (3495)

On 07/03/2013 at 2:48am - work - by grammarnazi-forareason (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

#20761555
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54047) - you deserved it (17425)

On 07/03/2013 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

#20757403
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53957) - you deserved it (4542)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:38am - love - by Gracie-Ann (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

#20768089
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53913) - you deserved it (4755)

On 07/07/2013 at 1:21am - intimacy - by nomorenakedpicsplease - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

#20766607
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53898) - you deserved it (3211)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

#20759121
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53870) - you deserved it (12871)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by yeshehaspornaddiction (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52465) - you deserved it (21201)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

#20766944
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52363) - you deserved it (4918)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis)

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

#20766295
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52359) - you deserved it (4474)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:17am - love - by walker - United States



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