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Tuesday 2 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

#20763905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46270) - you deserved it (4020)

On 07/04/2013 at 6:30pm - health - by Your ass... Grab it... (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

#20770351
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45672) - you deserved it (3628)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:48am - health - by insurance lies - United States

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

#20766880
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45544) - you deserved it (4907)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by StockedWithJuice (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

#20761277
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45536) - you deserved it (4939)

On 07/03/2013 at 5:09am - work - by melons (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45165) - you deserved it (6354)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45056) - you deserved it (21517)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45039) - you deserved it (4898)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44891) - you deserved it (8865)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

#20761229
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44564) - you deserved it (3725)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:11am - kids - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up at my cousin's house after staying the night. I went into the bathroom like I usually do and shut the door. Apparently the door lock on this bathroom doesn't function properly. I discovered this when my 4-year-old cousin walked in on me putting a tampon in. FML

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

#20760331
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44426) - you deserved it (11696)

On 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

#20765605
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44417) - you deserved it (3058)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:37pm - misc - by buttuglyforeveralone :( (woman) - United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil)

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44309) - you deserved it (4223)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)



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