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Tuesday 2 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

#20770510
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50304) - you deserved it (5052)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by realitybites (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50032) - you deserved it (20068)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

#20767253
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49647) - you deserved it (8879)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by juliearis (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

#20757403
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49318) - you deserved it (4127)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:38am - love - by Gracie-Ann (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

#20768896
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49279) - you deserved it (5147)

On 07/07/2013 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by roseland (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

#20761131
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49219) - you deserved it (3120)

On 07/03/2013 at 2:48am - work - by grammarnazi-forareason (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

#20772026
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49148) - you deserved it (3755)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:05am - love - by thirdwheel - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48957) - you deserved it (8615)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

#20772448
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48716) - you deserved it (4120)

On 07/09/2013 at 1:51pm - misc - by random person - United States

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

#20766607
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48508) - you deserved it (2526)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

#20768438
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48240) - you deserved it (4563)

On 07/07/2013 at 9:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while waitressing, I had a huge party. When everything was said and done I saw the tip they left me. It said on a napkin, "You're pretty. You can't put a value on a compliment." And that was it. I wish compliments paid the rent. FML

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

#20762512
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47294) - you deserved it (3063)

On 07/03/2013 at 10:40pm - animals - by nakedweddingday (woman) - United States (California)



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