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Tuesday 25 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

#20745652
82 comments

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

#20744309
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41621) - you deserved it (4096)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:06am - kids - by NYCproblems - United States (New York)

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41566) - you deserved it (20093)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

#20748170
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41543) - you deserved it (3085)

On 06/26/2013 at 10:08am - money - by weneedthatmoneytoliveon (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

#20755318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41493) - you deserved it (2323)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by unfortunate (man) - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

#20760331
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41408) - you deserved it (10661)

On 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

#20745796
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41398) - you deserved it (2315)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

#20743925
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41176) - you deserved it (2185)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:38am - money - by pumboc (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

#20759724
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40936) - you deserved it (4163)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by dry spell (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

#20754769
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40927) - you deserved it (3268)

On 06/29/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

#20752461
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40589) - you deserved it (2736)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

#20750358
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40483) - you deserved it (2540)

On 06/27/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by brigitte (woman) - France (Picardie)



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