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Wednesday 8 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35828) - you deserved it (6372)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

#20652571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35663) - you deserved it (12636)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by drug testing - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

#20658454
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35459) - you deserved it (12846)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by walmart: first time, last time (man) - United States

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35258) - you deserved it (6020)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML

#20662395
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35112) - you deserved it (3282)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:29am - misc - by CrappyCar (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

#20661280
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34787) - you deserved it (3425)

On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

#20660668
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34369) - you deserved it (3305)

On 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33119) - you deserved it (2851)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

#20645173
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (32688)

On 05/06/2013 at 10:24am - love - by Alone (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30640) - you deserved it (16905)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29776) - you deserved it (38475)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

#20662590
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28676) - you deserved it (22131)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

#20657087
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26770) - you deserved it (36109)

On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)



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