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Wednesday 8 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40012) - you deserved it (6635)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

#20660668
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39829) - you deserved it (3960)

On 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

#20662599
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39252) - you deserved it (12537)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:32am - misc - by ktorih137 - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

#20661400
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39226) - you deserved it (2716)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:05pm - misc - by emmingle - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

#20652571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38709) - you deserved it (13767)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by drug testing - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38377) - you deserved it (3295)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

#20658454
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36599) - you deserved it (13189)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by walmart: first time, last time (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

#20645173
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35977) - you deserved it (35310)

On 05/06/2013 at 10:24am - love - by Alone (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34116) - you deserved it (18469)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

#20662590
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32190) - you deserved it (23771)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

#20657087
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28517) - you deserved it (38156)

On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)



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