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Wednesday 1 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60945) - you deserved it (4433)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60663) - you deserved it (9164)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

#20647074
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60626) - you deserved it (4743)

On 05/07/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by the girl next door (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

#20645473
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60584) - you deserved it (4654)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

#20632794
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59571) - you deserved it (7769)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

#20639737
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59277) - you deserved it (3408)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59060) - you deserved it (15499)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58580) - you deserved it (6707)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58282) - you deserved it (7981)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

#20630309
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56802) - you deserved it (5250)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm - love - by Good Luck Chuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

#20642261
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55118) - you deserved it (10618)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

#20632198
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55030) - you deserved it (5219)

On 04/30/2013 at 3:54am - money - by ShowerGirl (woman) - United States

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54838) - you deserved it (7878)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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